But By The Grace of God

I have long considered myself a Professional Mom. I tackle my career with ever bit of the zeal and energy a professional would tackle theirs. I spend my feel time learning, studying and developing new parenting skills. It is ultimately my life's work. I was born to be a wife and mother and therefore do not take these responsibilities lightly. I guess like most things in life after years of study I realize that even the most difficult subjects can be broken down into very simple components. I have learned that parenting is basically just a series of deposits and withdrawals. Daily budgeting and balancing make well balanced kids. If either deposits or withdrawals are misaligned then you have an accounting error. The ultimate goal is to have a nice healthy deposit income and to get your bills paid on time.

My dear friend as two high needs children. They were taken from a broken home and given to her in the most traumatic way, quickly and without warning. For several years she has struggled with these "broken" children. As they reach their teen years her struggles have escalated. She has poured structure, love and care into these children and yet their accounts remain in deficit. My heart breaks for her struggle as she anguishes over the fact that she doesn't have enough deposits in her heart to fill the deficit that is in theirs. She comes to me for counsel but I am lost to help. My theory of deposit and withdrawals doesn't help when the children are so deeply in debt. I know because I was once such a child. There is no bankruptcy for these child. It is the closest thing to despair I can imagine. It is where powerlessness meets hopelessness. Where will these children find help? Is there such thing as a "throw away" child? There are stories of children who "overcome" by shear willpower and the ability to accept help from those around them but I believe a majority of these children carry wounds that last a lifetime. How can we help? What can we do to come along side this little ones who carry so much pain? My weak recommendation came down to this. Spend time one on one each day. Lavish them with kind words. Say "yes" whenever you can. Make "deposits" whenever you can. Withdrawal when necessary to maintain order but be mindful of how many. Never compare them to "normal" kids. Listen to your "heart" as you "know" them better than anyone else. Don't parent to someone else's standard and take "help" when it is offered!

Ultimately, I walk away thankful that God has not chosen me to walk her path. I am grateful that my burdens are specially designed for me to carry. There is not a time that I don't leave our tearful talks that I don't whisper a silent prayer...But by the grace of God go I!